Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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