I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
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