He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
