just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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