you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
