After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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