You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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