let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i want to swaddle you in tequila
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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