i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
