i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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