Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I supernannyed him into submission
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
