True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
