I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
