So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
