We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It's never too late to be topless.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
