You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
