Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
