i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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