Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize