I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize