Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
please don't ironically join a cult
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