he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
