You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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