She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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