He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
