hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
