Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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