I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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