Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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