We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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