cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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