Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
