I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
