We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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