I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
