So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
