Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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