I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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