I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
if only i could text you this smell
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
