just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
