He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
