I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
