when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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