The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
