That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Randomize
