That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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