Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
