Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
