These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
