South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I wish there were birth control emojis
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize