I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
