I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
