My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I still have a little drunk in my system
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
