We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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