Sry I called you an 8
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
