I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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