I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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