Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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