Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
