Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
