zippers are such a cool invention
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
