8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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