I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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